Life as I know it...

     I have been very hesitant to write about my health changes on a public forum. Sadly, I worry I will fail and look like a quitter.  Trust me, willpower isn't my strong suit.  The problem is that my new routine is such a large part of my life right now that I feel compelled to write about it.  I can't seem to find my journal, so I suppose I will write it out in blog form.  Plus only like five people read this thing and they're close friends who love and support me either way.  So without further adieu, life as I know it...
      A few months ago I was just about my highest weight, 180.  Didn't particularly mind though.  I felt okay, learned to love my body, and ate like a person like me loves to eat.  I truly do believe that all we have is this one short life to live, and trying to adhere to other people's standards of beauty by running on a ratmill every day is a pathetic waste of it.  The idea of spending my days eating boiled chicken instead of indulging in all the delectable bounty this plant has to offer, holds no interest to me at all.  It's a yummy yummy world, I intend to enjoy it.  
     All would be well with my plan to live a rich enjoyable life but for the fact that I have Crohn's Disease.  I was diagnosed with it when I was about 15.  What goes on is that I have a malfunctioning small intestine.  For reasons that doctor's have no clue about, my immune system chooses to attack my intestinal tract.  The leading theories are, stress, heredity, diet, and environmental factors.  Can't be cured, and it can spread to other organs, most commonly joints and eyes.  Thank god that hasn't happened to me, the idea of loosing my vision is terrifying.  There are lots of fun symptoms for us folks, but the ones I get to enjoy are, diarrhea, bloody stools, fatigue, anemia, 20 trips a day to the bathroom, accidents (though it's been a few years), nerve problems, bloating, migraines, hemorrhoids, inflammation,  malabsorption, and best of all, daily searing pain.    The majority of people with Crohn's have to have feet of intestine cut out, and, after so many surgery's, we get the joy of being attached to a colostomy bag.  Many years of internal scarring puts us at a high risk of cancer, which claims the majority of us around middle age.  I can't believe Ken liked me with all my issues. :)
     I seem to have to have problems most with stress and bad diet.  When I was young my mother and father didn't want to put me on pills, so they figured out what my body could handle, one food at a time.  When I grew up I stopped following the diet, and took steroids for flair ups.
     A few months ago I had the mother of all flair ups, and made the decision to go back to the diet.  I really have to start taking care of myself.  I don't want to die young.  At all.  Plus, I'm just sick of the pain.  Okay the breakdown is, all meats are okay, most fruits (those with less sugar) are okay in moderation, all except the higher starch veggies are okay, hard cheeses are fine, eggs, and nuts are fine.  I absolutely cannot have sugar, corn syrup, or honey.  Can't have any breads, grains, potatoes, corn, or any dairy other than hard cheeses.  If I stick to the diet like glue than almost all my symptoms go away.  Stray, and I feel it.
      It's been pretty hard to stick to the diet, but I do feel really good these days.  I also decided to pick up running/walking.  Why not right?  My Dad is a runner and I've always loved it.
  My thought is that if I always give myself  the option to walk, at least I'll be doing something.  Can I just say that I love running so so much!  I am excited to go everyday and now I'm at 3 miles a day without stopping.  I've decided I'm going to run a 10k next summer.  There's something about running that just makes my feel goods happy.  Plus a lot of my friends have joined up, which is the cherry on the cake.
     As it turns out, not being able to eat the crap junk food anymore is such a fantastic thing.  Fruit tastes like bliss these days and I have been enjoying the summer fruits with new eyes and taste buds.  The farmer's market down here is about to open up and I can hardly contain myself!   I shouldn't wear a hat that day because I'll end up throwing it in the air with joy like Mary Tyler Moore.
     The only frustrating thing is that I dropped 20 pounds, gained 2 back, and have stopped loosing weight for the last week or two.  I'd kinda like to switch diets but I can't, and I really don't want to do anything but run.  I might have to go get some weights for my arms and legs to run with.  I'm sure as hell not going to give up.
     I guess that's about all of it.  Oh, I did want to mention my current craving.  I would really love a big bowl of Thai curry over sticky rice.  I am really starting to miss rice in general.
       My favorite new healthy treat this week is mango slices sprinkled with cinnamon.  I have been loving on the mango's in general, and thought it might be good, now I can't get enough.  Sweet things compliment cinnamon well so they're almost always paired together, so when eating mango's with cinnamon it feels like you're eating a dessert.  Yummmm!

Crisp, Crunchy, Refreshing, Tart...

These days I'm on a very restrictive diet.  Boy oh boy do I miss food, food is such a deep part of me.  And so, I thought it would be just lovely to write out my love of food.  Sit tight, this may take a while

My parents loved food. Every other day my mother would bring home a new food we hadn't tried, and my father would figure out how to cook it.  They both prided themselves as cooks and were often competitive.  My home was always full of smells.  I miss the smell of home made bread.

I was born in Japan, and spent my first 8 years there.  My parents shopped in the local stores and made Japanese food most nights.  I have this great video of my Mom preparing fresh bamboo.  I sat with my mother in little Japanese noodle houses sharing large bowls of noodles in broth. Sigh.

From there we moved to Hawaii for a few years.  I climbed guava and avocado trees and brought bags home to my folks. I ate roasted pig that was cooked all day in the ground.  There were pineapple plantations that we would drive to for fun.  We would roll down all the windows and inhale the sticky sweet scent.  So pungent that it felt like it made the air heavy and you could taste it on your tongue.

  When I got married we were sent to Italy by the military.  Every day in the car on the way to the base we passed vineyards.  Ken fell in love with wine, which flows like water in that country.

Every time we went somewhere new I would insist on one authentic well made meal.  I had a steak in Assisi at the top of the village that I will remember for life.  Chicken in wine sauce in Nice, baguettes and chocolate banana crepes in Paris, brauts in Germany, hot mulled wine in Austria, and ate sourdough in San Fran.

  At 26 I realized that food was my calling and signed up for school.  I've never been more happy in my life than I was when I was in cooking school, and will be going back this fall.  I had access to so many wonderful fresh foods and I soaked up the knowledge like a sponge.  I was excited to go everyday.  Sigh again.

I do have something to tide me over though.  The farmer's market starts up again in a few days.  I'm so excited!
Fresh juicy produce, coffees, breads, honey.  Drool!

When I cook I tend to lean more towards simple meals put together correctly, with high quality ingredients.  Don't get me wrong, I love a wide variety of foods, but I tend to go for rustic, authentic, staple meals.  Coq Au Vin is a good example.  Very longstanding French dish that mother's served to their family's.  Basically just chicken stew cooked in wine.  Very healthy, hardy, and hard to mess up.  Yum.....

I have a love for cheeses, breads, butter, garlic, onions, and evoo.  Sigh. I love creating sauces and soups.  It's so gratifying to take a handful of ingredients and create a unique flavor and texture.  With soups, I love gathering healthy things and making something all your own.  You can be so creative if you know a little about soups.  The dish I'm craving these days is chicken veggie with rice.  That and cheese sticks from Papa John's, fire roasted marshmallows, honey dew melon, apples, chi tea, and Miss Angie's egg rolls. Yep I have a list.  Proud of it.  I don't think I could have gone this long without dreaming of food.

 
In fact, I may do a way shorter blog about cravings every week.  It seems to help me stay away from it some how, and it's so much fun to dream about food!
What are your current cravings?

Productive.

I always have certain goals for the week and my day, and today was one those days where I managed to get them all done.  Donated, dieted, made supper, exercised, remembered my pill and multivitamin, left the house cleaner than I found it, and loved on the teenager, hubby, and kids.  I be tired, but happy.  I started atkins the other day.  Not to loose weight, but because I had a flair up that lasted the whole night.  The atkins diet is almost the same as the Crohns diet.  But the last time I went on the diet I lost 45 pounds (though I was a teenager).  So now I'm totally stoked to loose weight.  My goal and reward later in the summer will be a long flowy cotton white skirt, which I desperately want to look pretty in.  We will see.

Ding Dong The Facebook's Dead!

I just shut down facebook.  It's fantastic.  I seem to have begun the process of exiting my life and beginning anew.  I have twice clicked on my facebook tab, only to realize that I cannot update my status about deleting facebook, because I have deleted facebook.   Funny how deeply ingrained was this ridiculous waste of time, that it's become muscle memory.  I am so excited to be free of it.  Now if I could also do the same thing with my phone and computer I'd be golden.    I hope I love it.         

Dear so & so...

I feel like I need one.

 Dear Fudd,
I am so so glad you're home, this week was hell without you.  I love you so so much.

Dear Peanut Butter,
You know my soul and I love you like a sister.  If we could both put the say something nice or don't say anything deal on when it comes to people you don't like, it would be great.  Also, you may have gotten me in trouble with the peeps and I wish you wouldn't have blabbed.

Dear Newbie,
I am so so happy to have you with us forever, I think my heart grew three sizes that day.

Dear Oldest,
You take on way to much and I wish you'd let yourself relax.  But man am I thankful I have you in my life.  Also, it seems like you're problems have a chance of working themselves out, just try to cut each other a break every once in a while.  Less thinking, more head.

Dear tweedle pretentious and tweedle egocentric,
Go fuck yourselves.  You started shit, but couldn't take it and I have no time for you're kind.  You are two of the most self centered, bitter, loud mouthed, gossipy, narcissistic hipsters I've ever met.  I will be avoiding you whenever possible from here on out.  Added benefit, now I won't have to spend hours listening to you talk about how awesome you are.

Dear partners in crime,
It was really great to chill with you, nice to know there are others who are like you and don't prescribe to the bs.  I hope something comes of it because I need different people and you are different people.

I am happy because...

I am happy because my hair turned out really pretty, I'm finally finding my fashion niche after many years of wishing I had a style.

I am happy because my little girl is safely in a cast and I can breathe again.

I am happy because I have new crafty obsessions to kill my time.

I am happy because I have gotten good time with my children, husband and friends as of late.

I am happy because my depression meds have kicked in and so I don't really have a choice.

I am happy because I now have full legal custody of my niece!

I am happy because it is an absolutely beautiful day outside!

I am happy because the best man on Earth just returned home to me, no worse for wear.

I am happy that I have found a fun new culture to explore!

I am happy for good books, good food, good coffee, love, sleep, mt dew, accessories, and head.


Good stuff.

     Well, I'm in a slump again.  At least I know it.  I misplaced my pills (found em today in my bottom drawer), and haven't taken them in a month.  I just keep doing that and I am really irritated with myself.  I need a centralized location and some kind of alarm.  When I'm like this it feels like I'm just waiting for something stressful to happen so I can go crazy, and everything seems stressful.  Between preparing for a friend's wedding, having my brother accuse me of some awful things, and having someone telling facebook they were going to tackle and stab me (long story),  I had a nervous breakdown and locked myself in my room for a good chunk of time and cried in the dark.  Eventually K came by because she was worried and sat with me in the dark and cried along with me.  Finally she convinced me to come with her to her place, and treated me like the infant I was acting like until I was feeling a bit better.  I don't know what I would do without her, and to be honest I don't feel like I have earned the selflessness she shows me consistently.  Some people make the world a better place just by being themselves and K is one of them.
     These last few weeks have been so so stressful.  Thank goodness M&M are finally married, that took up a lot of time, energy, and money I didn't have.  I am really really happy or them though.
     Also baby girl fell down the stairs and busted the hell out of her arm.  She had to be taken up to children's primary for surgery.  Now she has to wait a week to be put in a cast because of the swelling, and I'm so so worried she won't make it that long.  Oh, did I mention that my husband is leaving tomorrow for a week and I'll have to figure all this shit out alone?  My pills won't start working again for a few more days.  God what I wouldn't do for a zanax or the money for head. :(