Friday, December 31, 2010

I sense the change go over
I love it when I feel this way
I 'get off' on it
I enjoy making myself intense
to the left, connection
to the right, convenience
what I need is sleep
I am warm
I am soft
I am moist
they know what they're doing
they've done it so many times it could be a song
contract, release
flowing like spiders spinning a web
ebb and flow 
only moments later and the dance comes to a crescendo I go weak in the knees
the world's in perfect clarity
sensations for which there are no words take deep root and I slither like a snake in the hot sun
then the darkness falls and I am in my room again
the room comes into focus
careful not to wake him I go to wash my hands

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Culinary School

I cannot explain the joy I'm beginning to feel with my life as of late.  My depression pills are working and the cloud has been lifted.  I feel so good about the state, I've never felt this happy for this long.  I'm in culinary school right now and I now look forward to my husband kissing me awake for school at 6:30.  I look forward to curling up in bed at 10pm because I have new goals I need to accomplish.  Getting ready alone in the dark together, feeling like the only two people on Earth.  New common ground for us and the prize for not getting to see each other for a week is that we chatter away for hours when we can manage.  There have many nights where we started a movie, only to sit and talk the night away in each others arms.  Worse is when I should be doing homework.  But our need to talk and touch trumps homework.  On occasion I'll let one child or the other sleep in our bed.  To fall asleep holding my husband and child is my version of divinity.  Anyway, I love food.  The food given was a deep part of what shaped me as a person. It began with bowls of ramen in Japanese shops, tempura given to us by the neighbors.  Japan gave a love of ginger.  Yokan in sweet rolls and pokey sticks on the porch.  Hawaii had a nice bit of food too.  The Filipinos next door would make lumpia for us.  FYI poi is not so good.  Moving around the US was nothing to being abroad.  Having an elderly Italian woman make homemade pasta is something I'll carry forever.  We often took trips to Various parts of Europe and one of my top priority's was sampling the cuisine of the people, by the people.  The wine we bought in the store we lived on top of was made 100 yards from our door.  I have been on a quest for it for years now in the with no luck.  The brand was just to small.  The ability to feed my children nutritious meals that they will eat makes me incredibly satisfied.  My children's minds are being shaped with each and every bite I feed them.  Not only will their brains grow better when nourished, but their approach to why and how much to eat as well as their pallets being developed now.  Food is number one on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.  I do seem to be eating less since school though, not enough time!  My life each and every day consists of 630 wake up call and back home by noon, get Kailee ready for school and drop her by 1230.  Court's school at 230 and Kailee's at 330.  Then I have a few hours to study, clean, or sit and stare at a wall for hours (the latter being my favorite).  Then school at 630 and home by 830.  The last hour between 830 and 930 is my favorite.  The kids are in bed and Ken and I sit together and he shows me how to do my math homework.  He makes it easy and gets so proud when I get it right that I just want to get another one so I can turn back that little twinkle in his eye.  He of course is very well versed in math, proving yet again that if god were real, he's fucking rude.  Couldn't share some of the amazingness with me could ya?  Dick hole.  It's all good though because he here to ride with me off into the sunset in a computer in hand.  This kinda turned into a stream of consciousness entry I suppose.  Marry Xmas.             

Saturday, December 4, 2010


A half an hour, for real?  For real?  You are magic and goodness and bliss, all rolled up in one goofy package.  Bet you feel pretty self satisfied right now don't you?  I would.  You solved the riddle, found the grail.  Even today I'm getting goosebumps thinking back.  Only now you're going to torture me with it, which know you're getting a huge kick out of, and you're so very wonderful, but this might not be a good thing.  A person can actually get to much of a good thing.  Could I die?  That sounds stupid, but I really am actually concerned.  Enough so, that I'm going to finish this and start researching.  I'm just speechless, I had no idea a thing like this even existed. let alone for me.  I don't think you did either.  I wonder if everyone's the same.  It doesn't seem normal or you'd think I would have heard about it.  If I was with anyone else I have no doubt that information would have been lost forever.  Oh and though the north fell by the wayside in my thoughts, it was amazing all on it's own too.